As an adult have you ever felt judged
unfairly for the actions you have chosen to take? Have you had family or
friends questioning your judgement, or even your ability to make the right
decisions for yourself? This is particularly hard, when you feel that your
inner voice, prayer, meditation or heart is clearly pushing you in the right
direction. Especially when you have made conscious decisions, based on those
heartfelt feelings or an inner knowing. The choice feels right to you, even if
you changed your mind about something that you previously felt was right, or
was best for you at the time?
We all have or had parents, teachers, family and friends who like to share
their knowledge and love, in the hopes of helping us with their experiences.
They are also sharing with us the knowledge gained from their parents and
generations before us, good or bad. We then consider whether the information is
right or wrong for us at the time, or if a grain of that knowledge, could be
used to help us to make better choices.
I am not talking about choices that are made, by those who feel under duress,
stress or mental illness. In that case, a medical professional or designated
family member or friend could help. Making decisions with a clear mind it is an
entirely different situation. It is virtually impossible to make positive
choices, if you are upset, as your rational mind is not functioning properly.
Of course, there are necessarily, situations that need to be brought to the
light of day, that humanity collectively need to change, particularly, when it
affects basic human rights. Here, I am discussing how our personal
relationships can negatively be affected when there is no sense of respect or
boundaries between individuals.
You, yourself have most certainly have had an opinion about another person, or
their actions in your life and the lives of others. You may have even gone so
far as to decide if they were right or wrong, as human beings we tend to do
that. There is of course, a world of difference between stating a fact as it is
and feeling the need to comment on, or even try to change something in someone
else’s personal life, even if it appears to be right in our minds.
Often, we want the outcome of a situation to be one of our choosing because it
makes us feel more comfortable in ourselves. Which actually has nothing to do
with the other person or people concerned.
I believe we are all “Souls,” here to learn, by human experience and the
choices that we make, as individuals. We create situations and meet new people
throughout our lives, who can (hopefully), help us and we them, by sharing our
light to become wiser people. As a firm believer in reincarnation,( the process
of living many lives, not just one) for me, the whole point of it all, is to
grow and become better able, to love our fellow men and women without
conditions, that is to just love them regardless of their choices and to trust
that there is a reason behind everything which may or may not have anything to
do with us personally.
Who are we to judge what is right or wrong for another person? Who are we to
decide what another person’s lessons or journey are all about? The assumption
here, is that we eventually return to “God”, “The Universe”, “Source”, “All
that is,” whatever you decide is the name of that higher power for you, and
relinquish our free will to that energy, to be used as it Wills. In truth, I
believe in part, that we do that, by being of service to humanity in positive
ways, even with something as a simple smile, that could brighten someone else’s
Of course, at this time in our human evolution, we need laws and court systems
to aid in bringing others, to the understanding of their wrong doing or actions
to humanity. To eventually become more aware and develop a conscience.
Just as a point of reference, from the King James Bible, Matthew 7:2 simply put
as simple translation, states: Do not judge, as you will be judged for whatever
it is that you do.
Essentially that wisdom shows up in many religious books and spoken by many
wise teachers down through the ages. To me, that means we would all do better
to come to a place of understanding and love, and acceptance of what is, on a
one to one basis, instead of having an opinion about each other (yes, I am
guilty of that too and constantly working on it!) We would all do better to
‘check’ ourselves - none of us are perfect. No one person is perfect.
Unconditional love of all humanity and the ability to forgive, is a hard
attainment and certainly takes many lives to achieve,
Jesus said Those of you without Sin (wrong doing), let him/her cast the first
stone. Meaning, you don’t have the right to judge another person, unless you
are perfect yourself and who is? Judgement is a place without understanding and
love, often with a hidden agenda and a need to control a situation.
If people are judging you constantly, are you judging others? In my experience
what goes around comes around.
Better to allow your love, wisdom and understanding to be present instead,
rather than your judgement. No one knows with certainty our individual’s soul’s
journey, not even our ourselves.
Everything we do is either a lesson or a growth opportunity for us and the
people around us. We are all teachers and students.
Just to be sure, can you put yourself in the other persons ‘shoe’s’ and walk
around for a few minutes. Are you able to feel with some measure of compassion
and understanding of the other person’s feelings? Consider how would you feel,
if someone you cared about, judged your choices and questioned you without
trying to understand?
At the end of each day, if can we check in with ourselves, to see if we could
have handled a situation differently or better, perhaps with more compassion or
love. Was it really necessary to intervene? Will our actions or comments create
a positive outcome or create more tension or separation in the
relationship/friendship you have with that other person? Could you have stepped
back for a moment and walked more softly on another’s heart or just breathed
for few moments, to try and understand someone else’s feelings? Consider, would
being silent have been a better option?
Ultimately, we can only live our best life by being examples of love, kindness,
and forgiveness. Knowing when to have the wisdom and respect to be silent and
let other people take care of their business as we mind ours.
If you truly believe that your intervention or shared thoughts helped a
situation, and you know in your heart it was the right thing to do, then be at
peace with yourself because everything happens for a reason.
These are my lessons, which have enhanced my life and I offer them with love
and in service rather than as a prescription.
Energy follows thought therefore, what you think about, you will ultimately create. So, it follows then, that if you don't "mind' it doesn't 'matter' (or manifest) ...Every thought reaches its destination.
This is the time in humanities evolution of becoming more aware of the energies we create, which we put out there every day.
Consider your point of view, do you tend to be more positive and optimistic or do you complain a lot about people and things? Are you always limiting yourself with your thoughts and what you think you are capable of achieving?
If we are choosing to remain in dense energy levels, we then create depression, carrying those heavy feelings, experiencing that hollow feeling in our stomachs. We create more negativity around us because we choose to be angry, resentful and fearful. We stop believing in ourselves, we withdraw from the world, believing that those around us don’t love us anymore. That is when we as individuals, are not reaching out to others for the help we may need, but God/The Universe/All that is/ Source/The Higher Power, call it what you will, will always deliver what you ask for – it helps if you are paying attention! To help us to find that love, forgiveness and joy within ourselves, to once again begin caring and loving ourselves and others. You are the only one who can make the changes in your life with your choices.
As our energy becomes 'lighter' through acts of love, kindness and regular meditation, our frequency changes. Mother Earth is going through her time of cleansing and we, as inhabitants of the planet are doing the same, either consciously or unconsciously... When we are increasing the positive in our lives, our energy becomes more refined and fuller of light.
As we aspire to give more love, kindness, compassion and caring each day to those around us, we are releasing more and more negativity, and also encouraging our souls to shine Love out into the world. Doesn’t it always feel good to be giving of ourselves even if it’s only a smile? That creates more love, not only for the planet and those of us on it but also the Universe.
At the end of the day consider, could I have done that differently, to have had a better outcome, am I helping or hindering with my actions? What could have been changed to resolve that issue, do I need to learn to respond, instead of just reacting? Is it better to be right or just let it go, because if you don't mind, it really doesn’t matter and it won't manifest in your life as something you don't want!
Coaching the Mouse - A lighter look at Life Coaching
Some years ago, I wrote the piece I am about to share with you, I hope it makes you smile if not laugh out loud? It demonstrates the simple basics of The Six Step Coaching Model.
This morning my cat brought into the house, a live mouse, (a delightful gift...if you are also a cat). Not being one who enjoys sharing my space with mice or rodents of any kind, I spent the best part of the morning trying to liberate it. The Mouse quite suddenly, became my client and I the Life Coach.
What was the desired outcome or goal for this situation?
We established that the ultimate goal of the mouse - The Client, was to escape from the Cat (The obstacle) and live happily on somewhere out there in the world. My role as the Life Coach was to help facilitate that process, in as short a time as possible! This raised several challenges for both the client and the Life Coach but we were certainly on the same page! Especially as the Life Coach and her visiting friend were at this point, actually perched on kitchen chairs to avoid the mouse.
Where was the Client?
The client, was hiding under the dryer; his adversary the Cat was close by watching. The goal was to get past the cat or have the Life Coach at least distract him from his prey...
Because the mouse values his life and freedom in the world and wants to live.
When did it want to be free and what were the Life Coach's expectations of the outcome?
Just as surely as the Client wanted to be free of the cat’s influence, the Life Coach wanted to be rid of the Client's situation immediately! Although it may appear to be the Coach's agenda, it transpired that both the client and the coach had the same desired outcome in mind. Therefore, both client and coach had to draw on their resources of positive states of mind, which would then facilitate confidence in the outcome and the attainment of the goal!
Who would benefit?
Both the Client and the Life Coach would benefit from the attainment of the goal. The aim was clear, the Client wanted to survive. The Life Coach quickly established the Client's strengths and weaknesses, along with the possible opportunities and threats (to overcome) which could arise on route to the goal.
How was the goal attained?
Various methods were tried. The goal was set and over a period of time, it was recognized that some of the methodology was not appropriate for this Client. FEAR being the major issue from both parties. In the meantime, the cat maintained his focus!
Finally, the Client disappeared up the vacuum cleaner, where he sat and was determined to remain. (No, it was not switched on at the time)
After careful consideration, the Life Coach decided to elevate the Client to the next level, by lifting up the vacuum cleaner while the Client was still inside of it, to re-establish him to his former environment in the garden. This action still proved to be rather challenging for the Client, as he needed to be encouraged to leave his comfort zone within the cleaner, to be able to move forward to his next goal. In this case, the goal was to find his way home, avoiding the Cat on route and then be able to find food for himself. By this time, he was exhausted, starving and needed considerable encouragement...
The Life Coach then decided to motivate the Client to free himself from inside of the vacuum cleaner, by gentle tapping with a stick until the Client jumped out of the cleaner and ran home.
Ultimate goal realized!
Summary: There are no situations in Life that can't be coached!
Please note however that this Life Coach, does not habitually use sticks to encourage clients out of their comfort zones!
By Amanda Vinson
Master Life Coach and Spiritual Holistic Journey Master Coach
Love is for-giving, interesting way to look at the word "forgiving" don't you think?
Being "unforgiving" leaves us with feelings of mistrust, a grudges, resentment, and hollow empty feelings, which is usually rooted in anger, hurt or fear?
Often, we can't forgive ourselves for our past transgressions, never mind forgiving anyone else!
When there is a deep feeling that we have been wronged or have guilty feelings about something we may have done, there is usually a subconscious desire to punish either ourselves or the other person or people involved.
What good does that punishment do if it stays in our in our minds unresolved and festering?
It can actually create illness in our bodies - dis-ease, ( Please reference: Louise L Hay's work). Although sometimes, illness is a part of our journey to growth, not just for ourselves but for the souls around the sick person. Who learn to care for them, which then helps them to grow too.
As individuals, not forgiving (or turning the other cheek, if you prefer?) can create blocks in our ability to function in certain areas of our lives, because it may mean becoming vulnerable again, opening ourselves up to more potential unknown pain. Saying "I am sorry", can end that pain in ourselves and other's instead of pride encouraging us to just sweep it under the rug..
By forgiving others' it's the same, we may have to open ourselves to being hurt, humiliated, feeling unappreciated or even the feeling of being used.
Please don't carry this!
It is possible to make the next generation suffer in this way too, either through our DNA or by what we believe in ourselves to be true, a negative thought belief, which we can impose on our families or our children.
So, can we then just ponder this...
Not being able to forgive, sets us up for more disappointment, it stops our mind from functioning correctly because distress disables us from thinking clearly. Ever watchful for the next error. We all make mistakes, in our lives, dare I say on our journey to growth, enlightenment and unconditional love, that's why we are here, to grow! Just as little children grow and learn.
If we are made in God's/The Universe/All that Is, image, surely we must forgive ourselves and other souls on our spiritual journeys as we are forgiven?
Frankly, it helps to just put the load down! The load of judgement, opinions and criticism. What we put out there will come back to us. Try to accept everyone as they are.
Not carrying any high expectations of those in our lives. We learn that we can trust, that we are all doing the best we can, in any given moment, (everyone is!) then we can release so much that is unnecessary baggage.
Our individual journeys are all different, who is to judge another soul's journey?
In my experience, the person who drives you a little crazy, is the one who best teaches you patience.
The person who is always late or forgetful encourages not only patience but understanding.
The person who has emotional or health issues, encourages compassion.
The person who let's us down at the last minute, gives you an opportunity to check with ourselves, do you let people down at the last minute?
The person who just picks people up and down as it suits them?
The person who expects everyone to contact them first, never actually reaching out themselves?
We are truly loved, if the people we do that too forgive us and let it go.
Those who are financially poor in this life, hopefully teach us generosity with ourselves and others. In whatever "currency" we have available, a smile, a heartfelt hug or even money!
If you believe in Karma or past lives, maybe you owe someone in this life, perhaps someone who cared for you deeply or even saved your life needs something from you in this life to help them grow? Even if that lesson is to teach them to be more responsible for themselves? That same lesson is learned whomever we forgive in this life.
Our creator is always teaching us, if we are open to seeing, hearing or feeling. This is the journey to peace, to relinquishing the need to control everything and trusting, that all is in reality, in "Divine right order" for our journey's as individuals.That is the beginning of wisdom, essentially, to Let Go and Let God.
In this journey we are co-creators of, we have choice because we have free will. How much longer before you choose to free yourself and other's of this heavy burden of non-forgiving? Forgiveness is freedom, no matter how many times you have to do it. You may also need to forgive yourself, from walking away from something that is not aligned with your own" true self." That means that you can forgive but you don't have to condone the actions of others and may choose to distance yourself from them. Perhaps that is also the lesson?
We affect everyone we come in contact with but it is not for us to say what their lesson is. Be true to yourself, be aware of your inner guidance because it comes from a place of LOVE. It is God who makes the final call, not us. Let it go, move on!
The end result is Peace.
Perhaps you could even forgive me, for being a little late with my monthly blog!
Wishing you all the Grace of Forgiveness in it's many forms.
Gratitude is a Great Attitude
I believe that for the most part people are grateful for their lives, family and friends. “Thank you” should be an automatic response, when someone does us a kindness or a service but are we really Grateful? Do we really appreciate the loving people in our lives? What about good health and being able to hear a child’s laughter or a beautiful song? The beauty we see in the world around us? The work we do, the home in which we live or the food that we have to eat?
So very often we forget to be Grateful for the simple things and hurry through our lives not really considering other people, their thoughts or feelings. Sometimes even those of our family and friends. Can you honestly say you thanked everyone today, considered everyone’s feelings, in response to your actions, how do you feel you affected everyone in your path? Did you honor your own feelings?
Were you focused in positive thought and Love? Did you keep your promises or just let someone down, thinking it wouldn’t bother them? Could your thoughtfulness or kindness have made someone’s day, today? Did you give something away today without thought of yourself, to someone in need? We would all miss our loved ones, if they just disappeared because we didn’t show our Love and appreciation for them.
As my dear friend Robert once said, “We all call on God/The Universe/All That Is, when we are in trouble and pray that we will receive the help we need, but do we remember to thank God/ The Universe/All That Is, when everything in our lives is wonderful?” Hopefully we do…
It’s an interesting concept “Gratitude,” in my experience the more grateful we are, the more abundance we receive. Simple acts of kindness whatever they are, have Universal repercussions. The smile we give, the time, the help and in return, eventually we will find ourselves the recipients of these actions. Our family, friends and sometimes even strangers, are the messengers bringing us what we need, the encouragement, the listening ear, the patience or the help. The simplest acts of Love. What we give out, we get back at some time or another.
The opposite is also true if we are negative, selfish or think negative, angry or spiteful thoughts or even express them out loud.
Some of us tithe a portion of our incomes or give to charities regularly, this is another way of expressing our love towards our fellow human beings, all human beings.
Abundance will come back to you in many ways, if you are Grateful and acknowledge the blessings you have every day.
The Abundance of the Universe comes in many forms.
Are you Grateful for everything you have learned through your life, even the in hindsight lessons? The stuff of pain, tragedy, and joy, and even overcoming, molds us into who we are today. That may also involve forgiveness of ourselves and others, which we will discuss at length another time. Let’s just say it’s easier to live with ourselves and others, if we can forgive swiftly. Remembering that we are all human and make mistakes as we grow in age or wisdom.
Perhaps at the end of the day, consider,” How could I have done things better?” “Could I have responded, instead of reacting?” “Was I wrong, do I need to correct something?” Then act on it if you can, be Grateful for the things that we so easily take for granted.
Personally, I realize more every day, that which I am Grateful for and that each day shows me something new to be Grateful for. I try to share what I have, (whatever that may be), perhaps you could do the same and see how quickly that Love and Abundance returns to you.
By Amanda Vinson